For the Love of Facebook

I have a love hate relationship with facebook.

Reason for the hate?  Well, there are several.  But one of the main ones is that I think people used to be way better friends to each other before facebook.  You know, when we used to actually call each other to find out what was going on in our friends lives.  Not just looking at facebook posts to see.

But that's beside the point.  Right now I love facebook.  Right now I am grateful for facebook.  Right now I feel so indebted to facebook.  Ok, not really.  Don't come knocking at my door looking for payment Mark Zuckerburg.

But I do love it at the moment and here's why.

A few months ago, when I found out that the blood clot (DVT) that was in my pelvis wasn't going away at all, I started to suspect I had something called May Thurner Syndrome.  The dumb-ed down version of MTS (I'm dumb-ing it down because it's the only way I know it, not because I think you need it to be) is that there are right main veins and left main veins, that go down into the legs, and the right main vein is compressing the left main vein, restricting blood flow.  Thus contributing to blood clots, and/or keeping the body from being able to naturally break the clot down.

So thanks to handy dandy facebook, I was able to ask a little bit about MTS on a support group for people with DVT.  Through my post asking about MTS, I connected with a girl in Texas.  She had a similar story to mine in that she was diagnosed with a very large blood clot soon after giving birth.  She told me that she ended up searching and searching and finally finding an amazing doctor in Pennsylvania who she flew up to see to get treatment for her clot, and he was the one who found she had MTS.  I appreciated her insight and let her know that if I was diagnosed with MTS, I'd probably have more questions for her.

Fast forward a couple months, and I was finally tested for MTS by having a ct scan, and found out I for sure had it.  Once again, I turned to facebook and a support group for folks with MTS.  The doctor I saw bombarded me with a list of things that were "wrong" with me when he gave me the diagnosis and I felt SO overwhelmed.  I asked questions on the support group, and was surprised to find that there was a doctor in the group who answered my questions.  And the more I asked, the more he answered.  The next week, I went to another doctor to get a second opinion.  This doctor had a completely different opinion and approach to my blood clot and MTS.  I left his office still feeling so upset.

The bottom line was that I was confused, uneasy, upset, and just didn't feel confident in either one of the doctors I saw.  The thought of either one of them doing a procedure on me just didn't feel...right.  Not that I think they are bad doctors.  Just that I didn't feel like they were right for my specific needs. So I came home so frustrated after seeing the second doctor.  I looked on the internet more for the specific kind of doctor I needed, and just wasn't finding anything and I felt so stuck.

Then that doctor on the MTS support group came to mind.  He's up at UPenn and I'd asked him the night before if he saw clients from out of state, just on a whim.  He was kind enough to send me a private message letting me know he did.  So, I called my insurance company.  He's a contracted provider.  I remembered the girl from Texas who fought hard to find a good doctor.  I contacted her again...it was the same doctor who'd been answering my questions!!  She loved him, and said she trusted him with her life.  It was clear to me that I needed to pursue treatment from him.  He and I messaged back and forth and he continued to be kind enough to answer my questions about what things I needed to send him and how long it would take.  He assured me that he'd review my scans within a day or two of receiving them and said that he'd let me know if he felt like he was the one that could help me.

As soon as I made the decision to pursue treatment from him, I felt completely at ease.  All of the worries and anxiety I had about it diminished.  I was able to go up and meet with him last week, where it only further confirmed that he was the right doctor for me.

And in a couple weeks I'll be heading back up to UPenn for him to do a procedure to open up the compressed vein and hopefully get rid of the issues I've been having with my leg.

All of this...thanks to facebook.  It's not often that I can clearly see how things came together perfectly and for my own good.  But this was a time when I for sure saw the hand of my Heavenly Father, perfectly orchestrating something just for me.  I am so grateful for the people that were put in my path and for being led the way I was.  And even though I often hate facebook and modern technologies, I know for sure things wouldn't have gone this way if it wasn't for them!

I'm the Reigning Queen

So here's the thing--

I say I will never do a lot of things.  And when I say I will never do those things, I mean it...with all my heart.  I will NEVER do it.  And then I do them.

I will never have a baby without an epidural.
I had 3 of my 4 without an epidural.

I will never have a baby at home.
I had my last two babies at home.

I will never have a minivan.
I have a minivan.

When I have kids, I'll never yelll.
hahahahaaahahahaaahaa!

I will never live in Manassas.
I live in Manassas.

I will never wear skinny jeans.
I wear skinny jeans.  I'm still in denial about it, though.

I will never buy kids music CDs for them to listen to in the car.
Our 6 disk changer in the car is almost fully loaded with kids music.

I will never join a gym.
I joined a gym.  Sadly, that was years ago, but if juC would let me, I would have already joined another one.

There's no need to continue the list.  Just know that there's a lot and I say it all to lead up to this one.

I will never move my family to Utah.  Never.  Never ever.  Never ever ever ever never ever never.
And here we are...right in the midst of getting our house ready to sell because juC has accepted a job in Utah.
And that is why I am THE Queen of Doing Everything I Say I Will Never Do.  Don't even try, the crown is mine!

A couple years ago, while visiting Utah, I took the above picture.  We were at a park.  It was a lovely park with slides and jungle gyms and water shooting up out of the ground (on purpose) and a big green hill for the kids to run up.  The sky was beautifully blue, the clouds in the distance were wonderfully fluffy, and the mountains were sitting there all majestically without even trying.  I sat there thinking, Utah sure is pretty!  And I couldn't help but snap picture after beautiful picturesque picture.

Over the last several weeks as this whole Utah thing has come to fruition, I keep thinking about that day at the park.

And living in Utah will come with other perks too aside from beautiful picturesque mountainous view parks.  We'll be close to family.  Lots and lots of family.  All over.  juC will have consistent hours at work that (hopefully) won't require phone calls on Saturdays and Sundays for leaky pipes at buildings, and having to go clean up messes at 10:00 at night.  The kids will be in schools that are NOT the school they are in now (huge bonus!)  And did I mention we'll be close to tons of family!?

So Utah.  I'm sorry I never wanted to move my family to you.  But I'm excited about the move after all.  So get ready for us.  And be good to us.  You've got approximately a month to prepare for our arrival.  Use your time well.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to say a lot of "I will nevers..." that I will end up doing, so that I can remain the queen.

P.S.  Virginia.  Oh dear, sweet, Virginia.  Please don't take offense to this.  I will forever and ever love you.  But I'll save that for a post just about you.

Shout out to Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I sent luC and cC down to the basement while I went upstairs to get the babe bC down for a nap.  As soon as I put him down in his crib I heard the cries of cC, getting louder and louder, as he made his way up the basement stairs.

When I came from my room he was standing at the gate to the upstairs crying his little head off.  luC, always willing to offer up what she did to make him cry, frankly told me that cC hit her so she hit him back.  

"You are older than him so you know..."
"I am fouw and he is two." she replied before I could even finish.
"Exactly.  That means..."
And once again before I could finish she interrupted again.  Placing her head closely beside his she said "And wew're the same size!"
"It doesn't matter if you're the same size.  You are older than him so you know better than him."
Completely not paying attention to me, "Fouw plus two equals....six."

I immediately thought of the quote that I have over on the left hand side of my blog by Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.” 

And since I've been doing more than my fair share of crying, especially lately and even this morning, I laughed...in my head.  Because the last thing I want is for luC to think that she needs to do this kind of stuff more to get a laugh out of me.  And because if I didn't laugh...in my head...I'd cry more.  And I didn't want that either.

Someone asked me recently what I felt the purpose of life was.  As I was giving my answer, one of the things I said was how I feel that we go through certain things for a reason, because there is something specific we are supposed to learn from it.  The hard part is when you are in the thick of it, and you are sitting there thinking "What am I supposed to learn from this?!  Why do I need to learn it?"  and wishing you didn't need to learn whatever it is you are supposed to be learning because the process for learning it is hard and not fun and on and on and on.  But whatever it is I'm supposed to be learning right now, I do hope I come out on the other side having actually learned it.  

So here I was, looking up the quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley to write this post, so I could copy and paste it instead of type it out because I'm lazy like that, I read through her quotes.  She said some amazing, true stuff.  The kind of stuff you need to keep reading over and over again.  Especially when you want to cry instead of laugh.

Some of her quotes--
**Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.  
(I can attest to this fact.  Especially right now.  Our poor family members in our home are usually the ones that pay the price for anything we're dealing with.)

**Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 
(I truly feel like this is one of the things I needed to learn and am learning through this process.)

**There are some years in our lives that we would not want to live again. But even these years will pass away, and the lessons learned will be a future blessing. 
(I kept telling myself that this year was going to be better than last.  So far, that hasn't held true.  I know, it's all a matter of perspective.  But, I know this time will pass.  And that's something I keep having to remind myself.  And like I mentioned before, I hope I learn the lesson I need to so it can be a future blessing)

**Everything you are learning is preparing you for something else.  

Thank you, Marjorie Pay Hinckley, for coming into my mind when I needed you to.  Even if it was when my 4 year old was doing math that I needed you. Thank you for saying things, years and years ago, that I need to hear and remember now.  

And thank you to everyone I know that has gotten through trials..."big" ones and "small" ones, that are an example to me of getting through them, too.

A plea to the mothers

There's something that's been bugging me for a while.  6 years to be exact.

"Enjoy every minute of it because it goes by so fast."
"Enjoy it now because they won't always be this little.  And you're going to miss it."
"Enjoy them while they're little."
"It's so much easier when they are little.  When they are older is when it's really hard!  So enjoy it now"
etc, etc, etc.

They are well meaning comments.  I know that.  I really do.  But the fact of the matter is, they aren't really helpful.  In fact, for me, nothing is harder to hear when I'm having a hard time then "Enjoy it now."

Why is it hard to hear?  Because it makes me feel guilty!  I don't enjoy it when my kids scream their heads off at each other.  I don't enjoy it when they fight over every.single.toy. in the house that no one was interested in playing with until one kid happened to pick it up.  I don't enjoy taking my kids to the store and having them have a complete meltdown because I said "no" to something they wanted.  I don't enjoy having an audience for EVERYTHING I do.  (I've always wanted to be an actor and having an audience enjoy my work, but this isn't exactly what I was shooting for).  I don't enjoy fighting to get my 1st grader to do homework that he doesn't want to do because he's already been gone for 8 hours and he just wants to play.  I don't enjoy it when my kids repeatedly reject dinner because "they don't like" something they've never even tasted.

So when someone comes along and tells me to enjoy every minute, and I know I don't and won't enjoy every minute, I feel guilty.  It makes me feel like I'm doing it all wrong.  And someone is always around to tell me that something I'm doing is wrong, so it just gets put on the list of  "All the Things I'm Doing Wrong as a Mom."  It's a long list.  I already feel guilty for a lot of other things.  I don't need to feel guilty for not enjoying all of it, too.

But it goes beyond the guilt I feel when someone says it.  When someone tells you that "this is nothing" and to "just wait until they're older" because that's when it's really hard, it invalidates your feelings.  It's hard to basically be told that your feelings are invalid.  Because your feelings ARE valid.  No one can know exactly how you feel but you, and when someone is basically telling you that what you are feeling is wrong, it hurts.

I will always remember when I told someone that I am always told to enjoy it now because it gets so much harder when they're older she basically said "That's not fair.  They're both hard.  They're just hard in different ways. But it's still hard."  I can still hear her saying that to me when other people tell me differently, and I'll forever be grateful for it!

So my plea to you...all of you that have passed this particular phase in your life where you have young kids, is to please remember.  Please remember how it felt to you then.  Please remember how it felt to always have someone on you.  Please remember how it felt to constantly be asked for juice, or a snack, or a show.  Please remember how it felt when your kids fought all day long.  Please remember how it felt to be up several times during the night with a baby, and to then have to get up and face the day with all of your young children.  Please remember how it felt to try to talk and reason with little humans who don't even know how to fully express themselves or their wants.  And remember how it felt to just feel so overwhelmed with it all and to feel like it would never end (even though you knew it would).

And when you remember that, and then you hear a mom of young kids struggling, don't automatically tell them to enjoy it or tell them how much harder it is later.  Instead, it would be so meaningful for that mom to hear "I know!  It is hard!" and to just get some sympathy and understanding from someone who's been there and done that.  Because we know that it goes fast and that we'll miss it (well, as much as you can know when it hasn't actually happened but do know it does happen).  And we do know that there will be lots of huge trials when they are older (I'm already stressing about those days)(plus, I was a teenager/young adult once, and I remember what I was like.  yeesh! Not looking forward to being the one to deal with that!).  But what we need to know is that we shouldn't feel guilty and our feelings our valid, and we aren't the only ones who haven't enjoyed every moment of it, and that everything will be ok.  We will continue to enjoy the good, but we want to not feel bad about not enjoying the hard stuff, too.