The Birth of neC

The longest pregnancy in the history of ever finally came to an end!!

Ok, so it actually wasn't the longest ever.  In fact, it was a normal length of time.  It just felt like an eternity.  Seriously, of all my pregnancies, this has felt like the longest, and that just seems unfair.  Perhaps because this is my last, it was made to feel this way so I could really savor it?  Or be happy I won't have to do it again?  (JK.  I love that I get to grow babies.  I just don't always love the stuff that goes with it)

So--on to the birth!

I decided my due date would be the 28th or 29th.  I wasn't sure which.  I just used all the information from the ultrasounds and other dates and that's what I decided would be most accurate.  On our chalkboard wall in the kitchen, when I wrote down the dates for May, I wrote the 29th.  My midwife, Karla, had me down for the 30th.  When people asked me my due date, it seemed to be really offensive that I didn't give them an exact date.  mwaahahahaa!

Now if anyone remembers or cares, my last birth, with bC was...hard.  Honestly, it traumatized me a bit.  After having 2 great births with luC and cC, bC's birth really threw me for a loop.  I did not want to give birth again.  I prayed, a lot, that I could get over it.  And it worked for a bit.  For a while there, his birth wasn't even on my radar and it was a nice little break from the realization that I was going to have to give birth again.  However, once I was at the end, it came back like a ton of bricks.

Since about 37 weeks on, I'd randomly have contractions in the evening sometimes.  Not little braxton hicks type contractions, but legit ones.  They would usually happen in the evening and then dwindle away when I went to bed.  So on the night of May 28th when I was having them yet again, I wasn't convinced that it meant anything.  I went to bed that night knowing that there was a real possibility that when I woke up at some point in the night to go to the bathroom that nothing would be happening.

However, when I woke up at about 3:00 a.m. to use the facilities, I had a couple contractions.  My contractions are never, ever, ever regular.  Seriously, in all of my 5 labors I can't say "contractions were 7 minutes apart, then down to 5, then down to 3..." etc.  With all 5 they are just all over the place.  Even knowing that, I still decided to see what was going on with the contractions.  The first few were 10 minutes apart.  Over the next hour and a half they ranged anywhere from that to 5, 6, or 7 minutes apart.

At around 4 a.m. that I texted my midwife, Karla, and let her know that I'd been having contractions since the night before.  I figured I'd at least give her a heads up in just case, so she'd be ready.  And then I decided to take a shower and have some string cheese.  Not at the same time.  I kept thinking that at some point juC would realize that I was using my tablet to track contractions and that I was up and about and took a shower.  But...he just snoozed away.

At about 5:30 I decided maybe I was tired enough to be able to sleep through these contractions.  The contractions were quite strong from the get-go, but I was tired.  If I was going to birth a baby, I was hoping I'd be able to get more than just the 3 hours of sleep I'd gotten so far.  I was able to sleep decently from 5:30 to 7.  I woke up several times to the contractions but was able to fall right back to sleep.  I even had a dream that I decided natural birth was for the birds, so I hopped in my car and went to the nearest hospital and kindly asked for an epidural.

A little after 7 a.m. I texted my midwife to let her know that I'd like her to bring the birthing tub soon.  The contractions were still erratic, but were now 3, 4, 5, or 6 minutes apart.  Knowing that with other births, getting up and moving around made the contractions stronger and things progress more, I did not dare move from that bed.  I was not getting up until the midwife was here and the tub was filled because I didn't want contractions to get stronger with out being able to be in the water.  But there was another part of me that worried that it would be like bC, and that I'd get up and move around and all contractions would just stop.  Since bC was born on a Sunday, and had a similar start to labor, I was having a bit of deja vu.

I'm not sure what time my midwife got here...maybe 8?  But her and juC worked together to get the tub situation worked out in the living room.  At some point she also checked my blood pressure and baby's heart rate.  In the mean time, juC had contacted his mom for her to come and get the kids.  And...I continued to stay in my spot in the bed for fear of things stopping or going too fast.  I also texted my mom and sisters to let them know that today may be the day.  And to please pray for me because I still didn't want to birth this baby.

The kids left at some point, I don't even remember when.  Then Karla let me know that the tub was filled and I was good to go.  So I finally got up and got ready before going out there.  I took my time, because, you know...fear and what not.  When I finally went out there Karla, her assistant, and the photographer were there.  I let Karla know that I was a little worried about getting in the tub because I didn't want it to slow things down.  I was so worried I was going to have another full day of stop and go labor like I did with bC.  I'm not one to get checked for dilation during pregnancy and birth because I feel like it messes with my mind too much.  But she suggested I be checked because she didn't want me to get in if I was less than 4 cm and have it slow things down either.  I hesitantly agreed and told her not to tell me what I was if it was 4 or less.

Thankfully...oh so thankfully, I was 7 cm.  So out I went and got in the birthing tub at about 9:40.

Now, I'm not going to lie.  It was a little weird having everyone right there on the couch while I was in the tub.  With my previous 2 water births, juC and I were up in my room while the team was downstairs and they didn't come until they heard me getting loud.  Not having a big enough room this time for the tub changed that.  It was nice to have some conversations in between contractions to take my mind off of things.  I was feeling a little more confident in giving birth, I'm sure because of the prayers being said on my behalf.  But there was still that part of me that was hesitant about how it would go and if I could handle it.

The contractions were strong, but I was able to just breath through them, as my midwife would sometimes speak in a calming voice.  At some point during this time, the other midwife showed up.  I just continued to do my thing and move around trying to find good positions.  juC sat quietly on a chair across from all the women and I couldn't help but laugh to myself that they probably thought he was the worst husband ever because he wasn't doing anything.  (Well, when I say wasn't doing anything, I just mean that he was on his phone or going and getting me things)  BUT...juC knows how I am.  When I'm in labor, I just do my thing.  It's how I've always been and he knows that, so in actuality, he's the perfect support person!

At some point the photographer mentioned that this was the most peaceful birth she'd ever been to.  juC and I assured her that when it got to the end, it wouldn't be so peaceful.  (I am woman, hear me roar!)  The contractions got to the point that I was being a little more vocal and having to work harder to manage it.  When I would breath through it, I alternated saying to myself "pain out, strength in" or "I am strong, I am open."  No clue where those came from, but, there they were.

I'd heard from others how great counter pressure on the hips is during contractions, so when the midwives offered, I was willing to try.  However, when they did it, somehow it made the pain even more intense, so that didn't work.  But as the contractions continued to get stronger, I couldn't help but think about last time and wonder how long I was going to have to endure this phase.

I knew from experience with my last births that I needed to kind of be upright for everything to be in the right position for the baby to move down.  I was trying to find a good position, and finally seemed to find it.  The contractions became so strong that I couldn't help but be vocal.  I knew she was still high, but, that's how my babies roll.  However, I finally felt like I was in a position for her to be able to move down.  For a couple contractions my body pushed a little bit, but then one contraction came and it meant business!!  I was loud and my body started pushing and my water broke, then I could feel her head moving down, then could feel hear head coming out.  Karla tried to get me to slow down but my body and that baby were like "Nope, it's happening people."  I don't know if it was one really long contraction or 2 just on top of each other, but all of a sudden, she was out and in my arms and somehow my thought process was "How in the heck was she completely born in one contraction?!"

About 2 hours after getting in the birth tub, she was born!  It was completely surreal how it all happened.  It was so nice to just have her in my arms and to know it was all over, and that I did it.  I conquered my fears.

And of course neC is the sweetest thing and the kids are so excited she's finally here.  I know she was meant for our family!

(Photo by Safe Haven Birth Services)

One Month Ago--Bring on the Tender Mercies

One month ago today, I woke up, and could tell that something was definitely wrong.

After a few days of having horrible pain on my left side when I walked, I woke to find my left leg swollen and red.  Walking was more difficult, and my hopes I'd had before that whatever this pain was was nothing and would go away soon were gone.  

juC and I went to an urgent care place.  The doctor there said it looks and sounds like a blood clot, but they didn't have an ultrasound machine, and I needed to go to the ER for an ultrasound.  

Now, mind you, I had no idea what having a blood clot entailed.  So I was pretty calm for the most part, and was hoping to go to the ER and just get this over with.  Several hours later, after having an ultrasound, I was told that I had a blood clot in the deep (main) vein of my leg, from my pelvis to my calf.  Deep vein thrombosis.  

This past month has been hard because of my diagnosis and because of other reasons.  But I've tried really hard to think of all of the blessings that have happened.  The tender mercies in this process.  From Elder Bednars talk--"Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ."  

--juC was at home getting kids ready for bed when I was given my diagnosis.  I was able to get a message to him to have someone come with him as soon as he could come back to give me a priesthood blessing.  It was such a blessing to have a someone available at a moments notice to come with him to give a blessing.  And I am so thankful for a husband who was able to lay his hands on my head and give me a priesthood blessing.  The following Saturday I headed back to the ER again and I was able to get another amazing priesthood blessing before I went.  It again brought me much needed comfort.  And once again a couple weeks ago, when I was having a rough time and juC was at work, I was able to call on my bishop to give me yet another blessing, which again brought me the comfort that I needed at that time.  

--It was a huge blessing that so many people were available through the 24 hour period that I was in the ER and hospital to watch the kids at home.  With family so far away, I've always wondered how we'd manage in an emergency to have the kids taken care of.  There were so many that were willing to sacrifice their time to take care of the kids.  

--Baby bC was only 2 weeks old when all of this happened.  When I was told he couldn't stay with me in the hospital so I could nurse him through the night, I may have freaked out a little bit!  We'd had a rough road to nursing, and I didn't want it to be ruined.  The hospital was great about it, and provided a pump.  I was able to pump enough for the night before juC went home with him.  My next concern was bC taking those bottles during the night.  So very thankfully, he slept beautifully, and took the bottles with no problem.  And going back to what I previously mentioned, I was even able to find someone who was willing to stay the night at our house in case baby bC didn't take the bottle and juC needed to leave quickly to get him to me for a feeding.  

--I was by myself for a lot of the time I was in the hospital.  I am grateful for family and friends that were praying for me.  Because of those prayers, I didn't feel alone, even when I was.

--A lot of times I kind of hate facebook.  But I was grateful that when I was hanging out in a hospital room by myself, that I could post what was happening on facebook and I got lots of encouragement from so many friends.  It brought a lot of comfort.

--Anyone that knows me knows that I have serious issues with needles.  So finding out that I was going to be getting a shot in my stomach twice a day for the next week or so was probably one of the worst moments of this time.  Huge tender mercy--I had just had a baby so there was lots of extra fat and skin for these injections in my stomach.  One of the few times I've been thankful to have some extra pounds.  And another tender mercy--juC got some guidance on how to give the shot(no way I could do it myself!) so that it wouldn't hurt and burn as much.  He did pretty good!  There were a couple times that I wanted to cause him bodily harm because of how bad it hurt, though.

--One of the things that happens when you have DVT and are on meds is getting your blood checked regularly to make sure it's at the right "thinness".  The first family doctor I went to wasn't able to check it in the office.  So I was going to have to go to the hospital lab and have it drawn.  Anyone who's ever gotten work done at a hospital lab knows that there can often be a very long wait!  Cause that's what I want to do regularly with 4 kids.  After much searching and calling around, I was finally able to find a doctor who could do the testing and get the results right in the office and was able to see me soon, and actually had a nice office staff.  

--Soon after diagnosis, I joined a facebook group for people with DVT and PE (pulmonary embolism--when clots get in the lungs).  It's been a blessing and a curse.  I was a little discouraged hearing what others were going through...years after their DVT.  So many people were talking about how the initial pain they had when walking when they were diagnosed lasted for months.  I was so scared of that, and wondering how I would handle my responsibilities as a mother with this kind of pain.  I was so grateful that the pain gradually decreased over the next week and I have no pain when walking now.  I do have pain in my leg, especially when standing a lot.  But overall, it hasn't been too bad.  

--I met with a hematologist a couple weeks after diagnosis.  It was there that I found out that there are a couple genetic things that most likely contributed to my clot (along with pregnancy).  I found out that if I were to get pregnant again with in a year, I'd have to do the shot twice a day for the duration of pregnancy and 6 weeks after.  After a year, it'd be once a day.  As I mentioned before, me and needles...not friends.  To do shots daily for 10ish months in my stomach sounds a lot like torture.  Though this blood clot is a trial I have to endure, how very VERY thankful I am it happened after my fourth pregnancy.  I cannot even imagine if this had happened after my first and I would have been faced with these shots for any other children I had.  I know of someone who did it through 3 pregnancies and they are my hero!  

--Through all of this, juC has been absolutely amazing.  I cannot imagine going through this with someone else, because I don't think anyone else could have handled me and all of the responsibilities of the kids and work as well as him.  I always feel thankful to be married to him, but have felt even more so over this past month.  

--Baby bC has been quite possibly one of the hugest tender mercies of all.  I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, angry, etc etc for various reasons over the past month, but he's been amazing.  He is the sweetest baby and has had a calming effect on me.  I am so very grateful that I was blessed with him before going through this.  I am grateful that he is the baby that he is.  I've had some doozies of a baby before but he just goes along with all of this so nicely.  

Honestly, there are so many tender mercies, but these are the main ones that I've thought of often and have to keep reminding myself of when I start thinking of the negative.  I've had a lot of fears and worries over this past month.  I've kept thinking--I'm too young and active for something that could so negatively affect the rest of my life.  But I've had an overwhelming feeling and reminder that Heavently Father knows exactly what we need.  He knows the blessings we need but also He knows the trials we need.  And I do strongly believe that we do need trials even though I really wish we didn't.   We many not know why we need certain things, but He does.  It's definitely an exercise of faith and I'm often lacking in it.  It's easy to have faith when everything is honky-dory.  And it's easy to doubt when things aren't going the way we think they should and want them to be.    

I am infinitely grateful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who I know hears my prayers.