One Month Ago--Bring on the Tender Mercies

One month ago today, I woke up, and could tell that something was definitely wrong.

After a few days of having horrible pain on my left side when I walked, I woke to find my left leg swollen and red.  Walking was more difficult, and my hopes I'd had before that whatever this pain was was nothing and would go away soon were gone.  

juC and I went to an urgent care place.  The doctor there said it looks and sounds like a blood clot, but they didn't have an ultrasound machine, and I needed to go to the ER for an ultrasound.  

Now, mind you, I had no idea what having a blood clot entailed.  So I was pretty calm for the most part, and was hoping to go to the ER and just get this over with.  Several hours later, after having an ultrasound, I was told that I had a blood clot in the deep (main) vein of my leg, from my pelvis to my calf.  Deep vein thrombosis.  

This past month has been hard because of my diagnosis and because of other reasons.  But I've tried really hard to think of all of the blessings that have happened.  The tender mercies in this process.  From Elder Bednars talk--"Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ."  

--juC was at home getting kids ready for bed when I was given my diagnosis.  I was able to get a message to him to have someone come with him as soon as he could come back to give me a priesthood blessing.  It was such a blessing to have a someone available at a moments notice to come with him to give a blessing.  And I am so thankful for a husband who was able to lay his hands on my head and give me a priesthood blessing.  The following Saturday I headed back to the ER again and I was able to get another amazing priesthood blessing before I went.  It again brought me much needed comfort.  And once again a couple weeks ago, when I was having a rough time and juC was at work, I was able to call on my bishop to give me yet another blessing, which again brought me the comfort that I needed at that time.  

--It was a huge blessing that so many people were available through the 24 hour period that I was in the ER and hospital to watch the kids at home.  With family so far away, I've always wondered how we'd manage in an emergency to have the kids taken care of.  There were so many that were willing to sacrifice their time to take care of the kids.  

--Baby bC was only 2 weeks old when all of this happened.  When I was told he couldn't stay with me in the hospital so I could nurse him through the night, I may have freaked out a little bit!  We'd had a rough road to nursing, and I didn't want it to be ruined.  The hospital was great about it, and provided a pump.  I was able to pump enough for the night before juC went home with him.  My next concern was bC taking those bottles during the night.  So very thankfully, he slept beautifully, and took the bottles with no problem.  And going back to what I previously mentioned, I was even able to find someone who was willing to stay the night at our house in case baby bC didn't take the bottle and juC needed to leave quickly to get him to me for a feeding.  

--I was by myself for a lot of the time I was in the hospital.  I am grateful for family and friends that were praying for me.  Because of those prayers, I didn't feel alone, even when I was.

--A lot of times I kind of hate facebook.  But I was grateful that when I was hanging out in a hospital room by myself, that I could post what was happening on facebook and I got lots of encouragement from so many friends.  It brought a lot of comfort.

--Anyone that knows me knows that I have serious issues with needles.  So finding out that I was going to be getting a shot in my stomach twice a day for the next week or so was probably one of the worst moments of this time.  Huge tender mercy--I had just had a baby so there was lots of extra fat and skin for these injections in my stomach.  One of the few times I've been thankful to have some extra pounds.  And another tender mercy--juC got some guidance on how to give the shot(no way I could do it myself!) so that it wouldn't hurt and burn as much.  He did pretty good!  There were a couple times that I wanted to cause him bodily harm because of how bad it hurt, though.

--One of the things that happens when you have DVT and are on meds is getting your blood checked regularly to make sure it's at the right "thinness".  The first family doctor I went to wasn't able to check it in the office.  So I was going to have to go to the hospital lab and have it drawn.  Anyone who's ever gotten work done at a hospital lab knows that there can often be a very long wait!  Cause that's what I want to do regularly with 4 kids.  After much searching and calling around, I was finally able to find a doctor who could do the testing and get the results right in the office and was able to see me soon, and actually had a nice office staff.  

--Soon after diagnosis, I joined a facebook group for people with DVT and PE (pulmonary embolism--when clots get in the lungs).  It's been a blessing and a curse.  I was a little discouraged hearing what others were going through...years after their DVT.  So many people were talking about how the initial pain they had when walking when they were diagnosed lasted for months.  I was so scared of that, and wondering how I would handle my responsibilities as a mother with this kind of pain.  I was so grateful that the pain gradually decreased over the next week and I have no pain when walking now.  I do have pain in my leg, especially when standing a lot.  But overall, it hasn't been too bad.  

--I met with a hematologist a couple weeks after diagnosis.  It was there that I found out that there are a couple genetic things that most likely contributed to my clot (along with pregnancy).  I found out that if I were to get pregnant again with in a year, I'd have to do the shot twice a day for the duration of pregnancy and 6 weeks after.  After a year, it'd be once a day.  As I mentioned before, me and needles...not friends.  To do shots daily for 10ish months in my stomach sounds a lot like torture.  Though this blood clot is a trial I have to endure, how very VERY thankful I am it happened after my fourth pregnancy.  I cannot even imagine if this had happened after my first and I would have been faced with these shots for any other children I had.  I know of someone who did it through 3 pregnancies and they are my hero!  

--Through all of this, juC has been absolutely amazing.  I cannot imagine going through this with someone else, because I don't think anyone else could have handled me and all of the responsibilities of the kids and work as well as him.  I always feel thankful to be married to him, but have felt even more so over this past month.  

--Baby bC has been quite possibly one of the hugest tender mercies of all.  I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, angry, etc etc for various reasons over the past month, but he's been amazing.  He is the sweetest baby and has had a calming effect on me.  I am so very grateful that I was blessed with him before going through this.  I am grateful that he is the baby that he is.  I've had some doozies of a baby before but he just goes along with all of this so nicely.  

Honestly, there are so many tender mercies, but these are the main ones that I've thought of often and have to keep reminding myself of when I start thinking of the negative.  I've had a lot of fears and worries over this past month.  I've kept thinking--I'm too young and active for something that could so negatively affect the rest of my life.  But I've had an overwhelming feeling and reminder that Heavently Father knows exactly what we need.  He knows the blessings we need but also He knows the trials we need.  And I do strongly believe that we do need trials even though I really wish we didn't.   We many not know why we need certain things, but He does.  It's definitely an exercise of faith and I'm often lacking in it.  It's easy to have faith when everything is honky-dory.  And it's easy to doubt when things aren't going the way we think they should and want them to be.    

I am infinitely grateful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who I know hears my prayers.