indescribable

today my little jC turned 1. i'm not sure how this has happened. but surely it has, since last year it was 2008, and he was born. and now it's 2009 on the same day. which equates to him being a year old. i just don't understand how it happened so quickly. and also so slowly. how is it possible that quick and slow proceed at the same speed?

you know how people talk to you before you have a child, and they say things like "being a mother is hard." and you say "yeah, i know!" but the thing is, you don't really know. you know an assumption of hard, not a reality of hard.

you know how before you have a child, people say "being a mother is the best thing in the world." and you say "i know, i can't wait." you don't really know that either. it's another one of those things that's an assumption, not a reality. really, truely, words cannot describe the greatness of having a child.

every day i watch little jT as he discovers new things and learns new tricks. every day i sit and stare at him at some point in time, and wish i could freeze that moment into my memory forever. a certain look he gives me. a certain sound he makes. the way he attacks and loves on every stuffed animal he gets his hands on. the way he throws himself back on the floor to lay and relax for approximately 3 seconds before getting up and being busy again. the way he waddles as fast as he can to the front door when his dad comes in from work. the sounds of joy he makes when he tries a new food he really enjoys.

i wish with all of my heart that i can remember all of those moments in my mind with a perfect clarity.

words honestly can't describe the love and joy. i couldn't even possibly try. but i know i can say that i am so thankful for him, and the blessing that it is to be a mother.