I still exist

Hi.  Remember me?  I'm the girl that hasn't blogged in months, and now there is a new blogger format, and I'm completely lost.

Remember how I'm pregnant??  (picture taken Sept 30)

I thought I should post given I'm one week +1 day away from my due date.  (Not that I'm counting.)  (Truth is I'm counting because I'm so not ready for this baby.  Not because I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore.) (I mean, yes, I cannot wait to see him, but I'm kinda nervous about my abilities to handle 2 crazy kids and a newborn.)  (And my kinda nervous, I'm my super nervous.)

Here is documentation of my fears, in no particular order.

--When we got our sweet cat, izC, jC was so super excited about it.  He loved her, but also kept his distance.  He followed her everywhere, and if he ever didn't know where she was, he was asking me.  He was super nice to her and super interested in her in every positive way.  Then the newness wore off.  Playing nice with the cat ended, and torture of the cat ensued.
My point?  As of right now, jC is excited about the baby.  Just mention the word baby and his response is "Awwww..."  And I'm sure he will be this way for at least a few days after the baby comes.  And then, I'm worried that the torture will ensue.  jC likes to pull izC's tail to see what will happen.  I can only imagine what he will do to the baby to see what reaction he will get.

--luC is a whole different ball game.  She's that kid that will just walk up to you or anyone and slap you out of nowhere.  And I'm positive that newborn babies will not be out of the running for such attention from her.  Not to mention she is that kid that gets into everything and knows what not to do with it, then does it.  I'm scared of what she's going to get away with while I'm feeding the baby/changing the babies diaper/and otherwise indisposed.

--After jC I had postpartum depression.  After luC, I had...jC.  I can't even tell you how much I cried for months after each of them were born.  How much I felt completely overwhelmed.  How much I wondered what in the heck I was thinking when I thought I could handle motherhood.  If I felt that way with one, then two, I can only imagine how it's going to be after 3.

--Sleep deprivation.  I remember it all to well.  And I can't help but wonder how I'm going to handle my responsibilities to 3 little humans that depend on me when I'm completely sleep deprived.  I guess all I can do is pray that this baby is a good sleeper!

--Giving birth isn't rainbows and butterflies...as anyone who has given birth is aware.  jC's pregnancy was MISERABLE, so I was just ready to get it over with, no matter how bad giving birth would be.  luC was late, so I was getting anxious, and was just ready to have her here.  I have a feeling this baby will be right on time.  And since I'm not miserable and have all the previously listed fears about having a newborn added, I just hope that I'm really ready to endure labor when the time comes.