Parents: Those Whose Purpose In Life Is To Torture Children

I remember when I was young thinking that my parents must truly enjoy torturing me since they seemed to do it so often.  Then I grew a little older and thought that I surely must have been wrong.  Parents must love their children too much to torture them.  And then I had children of my own and quickly learned that parents, indeed, have one purpose only--to torture their children.

I have countless examples of how my husband and I personally torture our own children.  This might be good for parents looking for some variety for their own children.

--First we trick our children into saying we are going somewhere fun.  Then we throw some torture in.  "Get your shoes."  Oh, the torture!!  The great part is, it never fails.  No matter how many times you go somewhere, and how many times they have to get their shoes on, it never fails to torture them.

--Going along with the first example, you say you are going somewhere fun.  Then you do the unthinkable.  "Go potty before we go."  WHAT!!??  How dare we make such a request.  Pure torture!

--Also along those same lines.  Once again, going somewhere fun.  Then that part comes where you have to get in the car...and the car seat.  YES!!  I said it!  You HAVE to get in YOUR CAR SEAT!!  Haha!  Tortured again!!

--And then comes the whole reason why you took them to somewhere fun.  "Yes, I took you to Chik-fil-A.  Yes, I got you a meal.  Then a cookie.  THEN I had the audacity to let you play in the playground, all for the soul purpose to fulfill my evil plan to MAKE YOU LEAVE!"  I find this form of torture to be among my favorites.

--There's always going to bed.  This one works better on some kids than others.  But I love the way it takes some by surprise every night.  The look of "You expect me to go to sleep AGAIN!?  How dare you?!"  Well, we know the reason...to torture them!

--Another one that works on some better than others.  The dreaded bath.  Nothing screams torture louder than requesting your child to get clean at any regular interval.  Tortured again!

--I'm not sure about your kids, but one way that I torture them once a week is by clipping their fingernails.  I look forward to that day each week with giddy anticipation.  The look of horror on their faces when I announce that today is the day nails need to be trimmed is well worth being a parent!

--One that stands the test of time is one that gives me pleasure in spite of having to spend money to inflict the torture.  Family picture time!!  The screams and cries of torture are music to our ears.

--When winter rolls around, one of the best forms of torture is to ask your child to wear a coat to keep warm outside.  It screams to your child "I'm so desperate to torture you that I want you to put on yet ANOTHER piece of clothing!"

--I really get the warm fuzzies when I torture my kids by actually wanting to comb their hair.  Torture, torture, torture.

--"What's this meal you call dinner that you expect me to sit and eat every night?"  That's basically how it goes every night for dinner.  The fact that I expect them to eat a meal?  Pure, crazy, torture!

--One of the BEST parts about taking kids to the store is the joy I find in saying "no" when they ask for every toy they see or every treat they see.  I love their cries and fits of rage from that one little word.

--And my absolute favorite form of torturing my kids?  Cleaning!!  "You mean you actually want me to PICK up and PUT AWAY the toys I took out and have been playing with all day!  You're CRAZY!!"  That one just never gets old.

I cannot wait until my kids are older and my ability to torture them widens!