Stop!

Every day at 1:00 p.m. is quiet time in our house.  cC naps, luC has to play in her room, and bC and I nap in my bed (usually).  The last 2 days I have so been looking forward to quiet time, as my eyes have burned with tiredness all morning.  (Not due to bC keeping me up at night, but I think due to the medication I'm taking.)  Then quiet time comes, and I lie in bed by bC and I just can't sleep.  I close my eyes and soak in the relief of my burning eyes finally resting, then I can't help but open them again and stare at bC.

For a few years now I've had my mind set on 5 children.  Everything about that just felt...right.  Which was a huge leap from after jC was born and I was convinced there was no way I could have more.

But over the last couple of months, all of that rightness has become uneasiness.  I obviously just had a baby, so I obviously have time to figure it all out.  However, I feel like I need to savor every single second in case I don't get to experience it again.  And also feel like I need to figure it out so I can mentally prepare myself for whatever outcome there is, because no matter what, it's going to be hard.

These are the days when I hate, hate my DVT.  These are the days when I feel like it's ruined everything.  These are the days when I just wish more than anything that I could go back in time and know what it was, what exact moment it was that caused my DVT, and do something differently in that moment to stop it from happening.

I'm mad that that my DVT leg is larger than my other leg and probably always will be.  I'm mad that I'm vain enough to care about my leg being larger than my other leg.  I'm mad that my leg feels heavy and gets swollen if I'm on my feet.  I'm mad that I can't exercise the way I want to.  I'm mad that I can't go for my walks like I used to.  I'm mad that if I were to have a 5th, like I thought I would, that it would mean shots in my stomach daily for over 9 months.  I'm mad that if I have a 5th, I'd be worried the whole time that in spite of the medicine, I might get another clot.  I'm mad that for the rest of my life, when I travel for long distances, I'm going to worry about getting another clot.  I'm mad that I have to worry about eating something that's going to affect my medication.  I'm mad that most of the day and especially at the end of the day, my leg feels heavy and achy like I've been exercising.  I'm just mad.  And I'm mad that I'm mad.  I'm mad that my last post was about how grateful I was, and that this post is about how mad I am.

And I'm mad that baby bC won't stop growing!  It frustrates me that I'm not enjoying this time like I should.  I feel like it's going by way too quickly, and that my mind is too many other places.  What if this is my last baby? What if these are the last days of me getting to feed a newborn, and rock a newborn to sleep?  What if this is the last time that I'm getting to experience the first smile, the first laugh, the first time rolling over, and the first steps?  I feel a little bit cheated that this is how I'm experiencing it.  I wish more than anything everything with my kids would just freeze for a little bit.  I just want everything to stop!

I know it doesn't sound like it, but I truly am grateful for so much.  But right now, I'm also just mad. So I guess for now, I'll keep staring at my sleeping baby whenever I actually get the chance to, and hope that some day soon I will change my attitude so that I can be more happy and not so mad.

One Month Ago--Bring on the Tender Mercies

One month ago today, I woke up, and could tell that something was definitely wrong.

After a few days of having horrible pain on my left side when I walked, I woke to find my left leg swollen and red.  Walking was more difficult, and my hopes I'd had before that whatever this pain was was nothing and would go away soon were gone.  

juC and I went to an urgent care place.  The doctor there said it looks and sounds like a blood clot, but they didn't have an ultrasound machine, and I needed to go to the ER for an ultrasound.  

Now, mind you, I had no idea what having a blood clot entailed.  So I was pretty calm for the most part, and was hoping to go to the ER and just get this over with.  Several hours later, after having an ultrasound, I was told that I had a blood clot in the deep (main) vein of my leg, from my pelvis to my calf.  Deep vein thrombosis.  

This past month has been hard because of my diagnosis and because of other reasons.  But I've tried really hard to think of all of the blessings that have happened.  The tender mercies in this process.  From Elder Bednars talk--"Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ."  

--juC was at home getting kids ready for bed when I was given my diagnosis.  I was able to get a message to him to have someone come with him as soon as he could come back to give me a priesthood blessing.  It was such a blessing to have a someone available at a moments notice to come with him to give a blessing.  And I am so thankful for a husband who was able to lay his hands on my head and give me a priesthood blessing.  The following Saturday I headed back to the ER again and I was able to get another amazing priesthood blessing before I went.  It again brought me much needed comfort.  And once again a couple weeks ago, when I was having a rough time and juC was at work, I was able to call on my bishop to give me yet another blessing, which again brought me the comfort that I needed at that time.  

--It was a huge blessing that so many people were available through the 24 hour period that I was in the ER and hospital to watch the kids at home.  With family so far away, I've always wondered how we'd manage in an emergency to have the kids taken care of.  There were so many that were willing to sacrifice their time to take care of the kids.  

--Baby bC was only 2 weeks old when all of this happened.  When I was told he couldn't stay with me in the hospital so I could nurse him through the night, I may have freaked out a little bit!  We'd had a rough road to nursing, and I didn't want it to be ruined.  The hospital was great about it, and provided a pump.  I was able to pump enough for the night before juC went home with him.  My next concern was bC taking those bottles during the night.  So very thankfully, he slept beautifully, and took the bottles with no problem.  And going back to what I previously mentioned, I was even able to find someone who was willing to stay the night at our house in case baby bC didn't take the bottle and juC needed to leave quickly to get him to me for a feeding.  

--I was by myself for a lot of the time I was in the hospital.  I am grateful for family and friends that were praying for me.  Because of those prayers, I didn't feel alone, even when I was.

--A lot of times I kind of hate facebook.  But I was grateful that when I was hanging out in a hospital room by myself, that I could post what was happening on facebook and I got lots of encouragement from so many friends.  It brought a lot of comfort.

--Anyone that knows me knows that I have serious issues with needles.  So finding out that I was going to be getting a shot in my stomach twice a day for the next week or so was probably one of the worst moments of this time.  Huge tender mercy--I had just had a baby so there was lots of extra fat and skin for these injections in my stomach.  One of the few times I've been thankful to have some extra pounds.  And another tender mercy--juC got some guidance on how to give the shot(no way I could do it myself!) so that it wouldn't hurt and burn as much.  He did pretty good!  There were a couple times that I wanted to cause him bodily harm because of how bad it hurt, though.

--One of the things that happens when you have DVT and are on meds is getting your blood checked regularly to make sure it's at the right "thinness".  The first family doctor I went to wasn't able to check it in the office.  So I was going to have to go to the hospital lab and have it drawn.  Anyone who's ever gotten work done at a hospital lab knows that there can often be a very long wait!  Cause that's what I want to do regularly with 4 kids.  After much searching and calling around, I was finally able to find a doctor who could do the testing and get the results right in the office and was able to see me soon, and actually had a nice office staff.  

--Soon after diagnosis, I joined a facebook group for people with DVT and PE (pulmonary embolism--when clots get in the lungs).  It's been a blessing and a curse.  I was a little discouraged hearing what others were going through...years after their DVT.  So many people were talking about how the initial pain they had when walking when they were diagnosed lasted for months.  I was so scared of that, and wondering how I would handle my responsibilities as a mother with this kind of pain.  I was so grateful that the pain gradually decreased over the next week and I have no pain when walking now.  I do have pain in my leg, especially when standing a lot.  But overall, it hasn't been too bad.  

--I met with a hematologist a couple weeks after diagnosis.  It was there that I found out that there are a couple genetic things that most likely contributed to my clot (along with pregnancy).  I found out that if I were to get pregnant again with in a year, I'd have to do the shot twice a day for the duration of pregnancy and 6 weeks after.  After a year, it'd be once a day.  As I mentioned before, me and needles...not friends.  To do shots daily for 10ish months in my stomach sounds a lot like torture.  Though this blood clot is a trial I have to endure, how very VERY thankful I am it happened after my fourth pregnancy.  I cannot even imagine if this had happened after my first and I would have been faced with these shots for any other children I had.  I know of someone who did it through 3 pregnancies and they are my hero!  

--Through all of this, juC has been absolutely amazing.  I cannot imagine going through this with someone else, because I don't think anyone else could have handled me and all of the responsibilities of the kids and work as well as him.  I always feel thankful to be married to him, but have felt even more so over this past month.  

--Baby bC has been quite possibly one of the hugest tender mercies of all.  I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, angry, etc etc for various reasons over the past month, but he's been amazing.  He is the sweetest baby and has had a calming effect on me.  I am so very grateful that I was blessed with him before going through this.  I am grateful that he is the baby that he is.  I've had some doozies of a baby before but he just goes along with all of this so nicely.  

Honestly, there are so many tender mercies, but these are the main ones that I've thought of often and have to keep reminding myself of when I start thinking of the negative.  I've had a lot of fears and worries over this past month.  I've kept thinking--I'm too young and active for something that could so negatively affect the rest of my life.  But I've had an overwhelming feeling and reminder that Heavently Father knows exactly what we need.  He knows the blessings we need but also He knows the trials we need.  And I do strongly believe that we do need trials even though I really wish we didn't.   We many not know why we need certain things, but He does.  It's definitely an exercise of faith and I'm often lacking in it.  It's easy to have faith when everything is honky-dory.  And it's easy to doubt when things aren't going the way we think they should and want them to be.    

I am infinitely grateful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who I know hears my prayers.  

Introducing bC

Wanna know how this little fella got here?

Before cC was born, I kept saying that the perfect scenario would be for me to be in labor during the day, but still go about doing what needed to be done.  Then after getting the kids in bed, birth a baby.  Well, my perfect scenario totally went down.

I figured if I could will it to happen that time, why not this time?  I decided this time it would be perfect to get a good nights sleep, wake up at about 5 a.m. to some contractions, have the baby by 10 a.m.  

I'd been having light contractions off and on for a couple weeks.  Before I went to bed on Saturday August 9, I was having light contractions.  I didn't get my hopes up too much, since that's what was going on the previous Saturday when I went to bed, and I woke up to nothing.

However, when I woke up just before 5 a.m. on Sunday to go to the bathroom, I was having contractions, and they were pretty strong.  I laid in bed for the next several hours, trying to sleep, but trying to pay attention to how far apart they were, and listening to the soothing sounds of juC snoring.  Since things progressed so quickly with cC once my contractions were strong, I didn't want to wait too long to let my midwives know and risk them not making it in time.  The contractions I were having were pretty intense from the get go, so I thought I had actually willed my perfect scenario into reality again.  

So at about 6:30 I texted my midwives to let them know I was having pretty strong contractions.  I figured I still had some time, so if they didn't get the text right away that was ok, and I'd call later if I felt the urgency.

A little after 7 a.m. I gave them a call.  The contractions were quite strong and since they live about 40 minutes away, I wanted to be on the safe side.

A little before 8:30 the first midwife arrived.  I was still in bed just trying to relax while I could.  She quickly listened to the babies heart beat, checked my blood pressure, etc, then said she'd get out of my hair and let me relax.  The other midwife arrived as she was finishing up, and they went down stairs to hang out and let me do my thing.

But that was the problem.  No "thing" was happening anymore.  I was able to sleep for a little bit, but in 2 hours time, I had maybe 2 faint little contractions.  What the heck?!  Soooooo...I guess no 10 a.m. baby after all?

Very sadly, I went downstairs and let my midwives know that it must have been a false alarm because nothing was going on.  They decided they'd pack up their stuff and be on their way.  They'd be around for a bit so if things changed I could let them know and they wouldn't be far.  I was still having some contractions but they weren't very strong, and were all over the place.  We got the kids ready, and a friend came and picked them up to have lunch at their house and to take the kids to church.  juC and I had lunch and there was just nothing going on.  I was so disappointed.  I went back upstairs to lie down.  

I'd also had this...fear... during this pregnancy.  Both luC and cC were pretty "easy" deliveries.  What if this one wasn't, and what if I couldn't handle it?  The contractions I'd been having in the morning were pretty strong and then just stopped.  Was this an indication of what was to come?  Were my fears about this coming true?

After lying down after lunch I rested a bit, and then started having some intense contractions again.  They weren't horrible, but they were just strong.  It was weird because with luC and cC, lying down would make contractions stop, and walking was what got them going strong.  But this time being up stopped them, and lying down got them going.  I texted one of my midwives to ask her what that meant, and she just said that my contractions were more effective when my body is relaxed.  I continued to have these contractions for a bit.  Then decided to take a bath to see if that would help, too.  

A little before 6 p.m. one of the midwives called to say she was headed back home, and we decided she'd come check in on me.  By the time she got here, my contractions were strong, and although not regular (my contractions never are!) they were close together at sometimes.  She checked my blood pressure and all that stuff again.  Then we talked about some of my fears.  This labor was already so different from my others, and I was just so thrown off.  We couldn't decide if she should stay or go since my contractions were all over the place.  I didn't want her to stay and nothing happen, but I also didn't want her to go and things happen quickly and she not be back in time.  She decided to go give the other midwife a call to talk it over with her.

While she was gone I talked to juC and asked him to pray about things and see if we should just go to the hosiptal.  I told him that I felt uneasy, and I couldn't tell if it was my own fears, or if I was being prompted.  He went and said a prayer, and said nothing about it, and seemed at ease.  Even though we didn't get a chance to talk about it, his demeanor was a comfort to me and I felt like even though it may be difficult, everything would be ok.

My midwife decided to check me for dilation to decide if she should stay or not..  She couldn't really tell where I was at, and decided that since my contractions were still far apart at times, and that I was still not having super strong contractions that she'd go.

About that time, the kids got home and it was time to get them ready for bed.  I decided that I'd take another bath since the contractions had picked up again before the midwife came and hopefully the bath would help move things along again.  I got up and was walking around doing different things, but was having to stop every 2 to 3 minutes because a contraction would come, and since getting up, they were getting even stronger.  They continued to be close together so at 8 p.m. I called my midwife back and said "ummm...I think you need to come back."  

Dang it!  It had better be real now, since she was on her way home to get dinner since she hadn't had anything yet.  I did wait until my midwife got here, though, before getting in the tub.  With cC, I got in the tub and he was born about 15-20 minutes later.  

I believe she got here at about 8:20.  I got in the tub, and contractions started getting stronger.  Like ridiculously stronger.  After having intense contractions all day, I really thought this had to go quickly.  After a little bit, the other midwife got here.  They were hanging out downstairs and would occasionally come in to check the babies heart rate.  

I obviously wasn't staring at a clock during all of this, but g'zz Louise, it seemed to be going so slowly.  I was having a really hard time getting comfortable, and the contractions were getting so strong, but nothing seemed to be happening.  The only progress that seemed to be happening in that room was juC progressing in his facebook stalking of all of his friends.  Otherwise, it seemed as though nothing was being accomplished.

I thought for sure that with as strong as the contractions were, this baby would be coming soon.  But the urge to push still wasn't there even though the contractions were so strong.  I still couldn't find a comfortable position and my legs were tired from all of the semi-comfortable positions I'd been in.  Slowly, but surely, the urge to push came.  Now, mind you, my previous 2 births went ridiculously fast once pushing began.  That's what I was used to, and mentally prepared for, but was worried wouldn't happen.  My babies are always "high" and with cC it was about one push to get him "low", about one push to get his head out, and about one push to get his body out.

bC, however, not so much....

It seemed as though my body was pushing and pushing, and no progress was being made.  I still couldn't feel him coming down.  I honestly was feeling defeated, and mentally couldn't wrap my mind around why nothing was "happening".

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I could feel him moving down and could tell he was close.  Still it took several pushes and his head started coming out, but slowly.  After his head was out, surely the rest would be quick right?  Yeah...not so much.  Contractions one after another and several pushes later, he wasn't budging.  It became clear to my midwives that his shoulder was stuck.  After efforts to free his shoulder where I was in the tub weren't working, I had to quickly get out so that they could free him.

I won't lie to you folks,  I have never experienced so much pain.  I will spare you the details, but freeing a shoulder of a birthing baby isn't rainbows and roses.   It was about 5 minutes from the time I felt his head emerging to the time he was born, but it felt like a lifetime.  He needed oxygen, but soon after they laid him on me he began crying...and crying and crying (another thing my other babies didn't do).

There is something truly amazing about the things you are feeling during birth, and then the instant relief that is felt as soon as the baby is born.

Now, if you are still with me... It was an intense birth.  Thankfully (although I wasn't feeling thankful at the time) I'd read a book by Ina May Gaskins that had a lot of home birth stories in it.  As I read the stories, which I read thinking I'd find inspiration, I was feeling all sorts of scared about my upcoming birth.  Sure, I'd done this before, but these stories I was reading were freaking me out, man.  So many stories were about women who had previous births go quickly and smoothly, and then had super difficult labors with a 3rd or 4th baby.  Several were about a baby whose shoulder got stuck during delivery.  It all just freaked me out.

But I am so glad I read those stories.  In those intense moments when we were all panicking a bit, I could remember those stories, and remember what needed to be done, and was able to focus and do what was best.  I think leading up to his birth that I could sense something was off and that's where my anxieties were coming from, but also knew that it would be ok.  I could sense that things were going to be much more difficult than before, but could sense that we would get through it.

Every time I experience a new life coming into our family, I can't help but feel overwhelmed at how amazing it is.  I don't know how anyone can experience it and not know that we have a loving Heavenly Father.  I am so thankful for these fresh from heaven little ones that remind me how amazing life is!  I am so thankful that I have been able to experience fresh from heaven little ones 4 times!  There's nothing like it!

(side note--Finding someone to take pictures during the birth...best decision ever!  I love the moments and images that were captured!  Thank you Caroline Hefner Photography!)

Not sure where jC's story is.
luC's story--http://itsmeanic.blogspot.com/2011/01/shes-here.html
cC's story--http://itsmeanic.blogspot.com/2012/11/all-about-birth.html

Schools (almost) out for the SUMMER!

After little jC is done with school today, he will have 4 days left of school.  And to be totally and completely honest, I'm having very mixed feelings about this.  To be totally and completely honest, jC is a pretty difficult kid to keep entertained.  He always needs someone to play with, he always wants to be going and doing something, or it's just not good enough for him.  And when you DO actually take him to go and do something, he can be a little...under-satisfied.  And he's not afraid to show it.  Add on top of that the fact that when he's done with school I will be 33 weeks pregnant and a million and two degrees outside, it adds a whole new level to the stress I feel of keeping him and 2 other kids entertained for a summer.

So with all of that negative mumbo-jumbo out of the way, I'm trying to focus on all of the *positives* to him being out of school.  Because there certainly are some good things about it!

-No more homework!!!  I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I'll never change my mind about it--Kindergartners having homework is wrong.  WRONG people!!  I'm so glad we will have a break from that blasted nightly homework!!

-No more having to wake him up every morning and having him say "But I'm still tired."  I'm a huge believer in sleep.  HUGE!  And I'm a huge believer in not waking up sleeping children.  Having to wake him up every morning to get him ready for school was so hard!

-I can stop doing laundry!  Ok, I won't stop.  But it will be nice to not have to worry day to day if he has clean clothes to wear to school the next day and hurrying to get laundry done.  And if he happens to wear dirty clothes, there probably won't be other people around to notice that he's worn the same thing consecutively and that there are stains on it.

-No more packing lunches!  I don't know why, but this stressed me out a bit.  Even though he had THE SAME THING...EVERY  DAY.  I always worried I'd some how forget to put something in his lunch.  In fact, I did forget his apple sauce one time.  Sure, having to figure out what he'll have for lunch each day at home won't be a walk in the park, but for some reason it doesn't seem like quite as much pressure.

-No more restaurant fund raisers!  The "cool" thing to do is have a restaurant agree to have a night where when people came to eat there and mention the school, half of the price would go to the school.  I swear there were weeks and weeks in a row that fliers were coming home for a different restaurant each week.  And jC thought we needed to go to each and every one of them!  Oh the tears and frustration when we didn't go to them all.

-Ok, I know you don't want to hear about this one, but I have to add it to the list.  Because if this was a true legitimate list, where I was putting them in order, this would be at the very top of things I'm soooo glad I don't have to deal with anymore.  --No more having jC have to do the doo RIGHT when he needs to be getting out the door to catch the bus.  It's nearly a daily thing at this point that he waits until about 10 minutes before he needs to go catch the bus to say "My tummy hurts".  And seeing as how it takes him a good 10-15 minutes, it just doesn't work.  So, so, so, so, so glad to not have to deal with that for a bit!

Now that I've said the #1 reason, it's hard for me to think of anything else.  It's so hard to believe that kindergarten is almost over and next year he'll be a 1st grader.  It's hard to believe that just 5 short years ago, (almost exactly to the day) he was this little guy...

and now he's already this big guy...

I'm not going to lie.  It hurts my heart a little bit.  It's exciting to see him growing and learning, but it's also so hard.  But whether I want it to happen or not, it is.  And whether I want summer to come or not...it is.  Really, really, really soon!

Celebrate good times! Come on!

It's still the month of May, so even though it seems like forever (FOREVER!) ago that we celebrated our anniversary and juC's birthday, I'm considering it totally legit that I'm just now posting about it.  I'm going to blame my lateness on cC.  I totally could have posted this last week, but, he has decided to not go down for naps.  The last time he took a nap was last Monday.  So that means we are 8 days in a row with no cC naps, which means no free time during the day for me, which means no time for organizing a post.  And also, very sadly, means that I haven't been able to get my normal naps.  And let me tell you folks, it's not a pretty situation.  Not pretty at all.

So now I'm just neglecting luC and cC so I can do this post.

But back to the point!


On May 5, all of Mexico celebrated the 7th anniversary of the day that juC and I were wedded.  It's always nice to know that we have so many people celebrating with us!

All I wanted to do for our anniversary was have the whole family go to the tulip festival so I could get some fabulous pictures of the kids with the fabulous colors of the flowers.  Unfortunately, cC wasn't having it, and the pictures of the kids were all some form of this:

 The good news was I got some super amazing maternity shots.  And by "super amazing" I mean this:

Oh, and it also started pouring rain while we were there.  So that was awesome, too.  My anniversary adventure was not going as I'd planned.

Then we went to Chili's for dinner.  What else would we eat on our Cinco de Mayoversary?  It was when we were dining on our anniversary with these crazy kids that it dawned on me...

..wedding anniversaries are something completely different when 3 small kids are involved.  

The good news is that a week and a half later, while juC's parents were here, we got to celebrate right.  And by "celebrate right" I mean go on an over nighter that pretty much revolved around what restaurants we'd eat at.  

For dinner we ate at a lovely Italian restaurant.  And for lunch the next day we ate at a place that was a shoot off of a chocolate candy store.  It was on our little anniversary trip that I learned that juC and I don't take pictures together anymore.

In between our family anniversary celebration, and our legit anniversary celebration, we had an awesomely legit birthday celebration for juC.

I decided to help him out and get him a real sized grill, instead of the tiny wittle travel grill he'd been using.  I know, I'm so nice.  We set it up in the backyard, and the kids were so excited to stand there and wait for juC to walk around back coming home from work and surprise him.

 Then it was time for perfectly handmade birthday cards, puuuurfectly store bought cards, and a present.  And by a "present" I mean a cover for the grill.  Because it was the only logical other thing to get him.

 And then, of course, it was cake time!

Though the highlight of juC's birthday, for me, was the following night when we dined at a Tex-Mex eating establishment.  During one of the kid bathroom trips, I made sure to tell our super-trying-to-get-a-good-tip-waiter that it was "Dad's" birthday, as the waiter so affectionately called him.

So the highlight was when the severs were all rounding the corner clapping their hands, preparing to sing "happy birthday" and juC started dancing, having no clue that they were headed to him!  When I started laughing his response was "What?...Wait...they aren't coming to me are they??  You didn't!!"

Oh, how I wish I could have captured a non-blurry picture of the events.

Lest I not write about our month of May celebrations, and not include Mother's Day.  juC knows how to celebrate me right.  I was awoken to little voices our room, and juC standing there with the kids and this fabulous breakfast.  I can't remember what he made me for dinner, but I know that was good, too.   And good food is all that really matters in my book.

I'm thankful for juC and that each May I get to celebrate our anniversary, his birthday, and Mother's Day with him...and our crazy kids.  

Thirty Six

I say it every birthday.  I love birthdays.  Love 'em.  Almost as much as a love the person that's celebrating a birthday today.  I guess this is the week for sappy posts, because I've decided to do a post of 36 things I love about juC.  It will be hard to narrow it down.  But...I will do my best to keep it at just 36, as he enters his 36th year.

1.  I love that he is a good sport with some of my crazy ideas.  Like when we used to go bowling, and I had the rule that any time you roll a gutter ball, you have to do one roll on your pants leg.  I won't complain that he should have continued to roll up one leg until it wouldn't roll anymore, but would always divide it between the two legs.

 2.  I love that he doesn't complain when I probably don't meet his expectations.  I hate to admit how many times he's come home to me having no idea what's for dinner and not really wanting to make anything.  He doesn't complain.  (well, he doesn't complain about me, to me.)  I appreciate that.

3.  Along the same line, I love that he doesn't make me feel bad when he comes home and finds that I'm still in my pajamas.  Being pregnant or having a small baby during most of our marriage means that it's happened a lot.  He never makes me feel bad about it.  That's love.

4.  I love that he kills bugs for me.  Remember the spider outbreak in our basement apartment!?  That was the scariest time of my life.  And here he was, kindly going around and spraying to ward off those horrible things!

 5.  I love that he never yells at me.  I cannot think of a single time in our 9 years of dating/marriage that he's yelled at me.

6.  I love that he takes his job as provider for our family so seriously.  I love that I get to stay home with our kids and that he wants to do it for us.

7.  I love that he is willing to do all the silly things that I want to do.  Like when I insisted we make a gingerbread house...before we even had kids.

 8.  I love that he can fix things around the house.  It's so nice to have a husband that knows how to do things.  And if he doesn't know how to do it, he will figure out how with the aid of google and youtube.

9.  I love that he smells good 99.5% of the time.

10.  I love that he calls me babe.  There aren't many pet names that I think I'm ok with, but babe is a good one.  It makes me fell like...a babe.

11.  I love that he takes the trash out.

12.  I love that he bakes things for me.

13.  I love that he's frugal.  Ok.  He's not always frugal.  But it definitely helps when he is.

14.  I love that he always wants to help people.  It's not always convenient for me, and sometimes it feels a little frustrating.  But if anyone needs anything, he always wants to be the one to do it.  He's a great example of being selfless.

15.  I love that he helps me clean when I ask for help.  Or beg for help.  Or demand help.

16.  I love that he takes care of me when I'm sick.  He's a good nurse.

17.  I love his smile.  It's the best!

 18.  I love that he is the most patient person I have ever known in my whole entire life.  I don't think there's another person out there with as much patience as him.  And it just so happens that he married the person with the least amount of patience of anyone out there.  Lucky me, poor him.

19.  I love that he gets all of my jokes...most of the time.  And that he thinks I'm funny.  It's a nice little ego boost when others don't.

20.  I love that he's been so good with me about choosing baby names.  It's always been a very easy process for us.  Hearing the horror stories of others reminds me of how lucky I am that he is the way he is.

21.  I love that he has a sweet tooth just as bad, if not worse, than me.  Then I don't feel so bad!

22.  I love that he makes the best out of bad situations.

 23.  I love that he lets me have time to myself when I need it.  Which is probably more than I should need, but he lets me and I am so very thankful.

24.  I love that when I want to take ridiculous pictures, he goes for it.

 25.  I love that he takes the kids with him when he goes places.  They always want to go with daddy, and he's usually willing to oblige.

26.  I love that he helps with bath time and bed time.  So, so, so very thankful for that!

27.  I love how hot he is with a beard.  Even though he can't have one right now.  It's still good to know.

28.  I love that he's so...just...nice.  For example--today is his birthday.  Today is also the day of my prenatal yoga class at 5:45.  I can miss the class, but I paid for a certain number of classes, so if I miss it it's kind of like paying for it but not getting it.  I can make it up with another class, but there aren't a lot of other classes that are prenatal friendly.  If it was my birthday, I would absolutely make sure juC clears his schedule so it can be all about me.  However, juC has willingly said that he is fine with me still going, and he will make the kids pizza, just like he always does on yoga Thursdays.  That's just the nice kind of guy he is.  When I said it wasn't fun for him, he said "It's fine."  I guess this is more of an example of why he's a better person than me.

29.  I love that sometimes when he has meetings at night, he brings a treat home for me.

30.  I love that he gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me every morning before he goes to work.  Even luC has noticed it.  And if he leaves later when the kids are awake and luC doesn't see him do it, when he walks out the door she says, "Daddy didn't love you!" all concerned.

31.  I love that he does his own laundry.  (OK, this list is making me look like a really, really lazy wife!  Sorry juC!)

32.  I love that he talks to the babies in my belly with a weird voice.

33.  I love that he makes me laugh so much.

34.  I love that he is such a good dad.

35.  I love that he doesn't look at day over 29.  I think we really throw people off.

36.  I love that he married me and that he is happy with being married to me.  Older, experienced men always tell younger men to marry up.  I guess juC decided not to follow that advice because I'm definitely the one that married up.  

Although juC keeps inching closer and closer to 40, which just sounds SO old, I still love him for so many reasons.  In spite of my yoga tonight cutting into his evening, I hope I can do my part and make this day special for him.  He deserves a day to feel loved and appreciated and celebrated.  And hopefully I can do that for him!  

I love you dearly sweet little juC! 

Lucky #7

7 happens to be my favorite number.  Ever since I was 7.  When someone asked me what my favorite number was, and I said 7 (because I was 7) but when they called me out on saying it was 7 just because I was 7, I denied it.  So then when I turned 8, I had to prove that 7 hadn't been my favorite number just due to my age, so I continued to say my number was 7.  And thus it has been every year since.

So if the number 7 has been my favorite number for the past 25ish years, I guess I have a pretty good relationship with the number 7.  7 has never let me down.  7 has always been there for me.  7 is good to me.

Which is good news because juC and I have just officially entered our 7th year of marriage.  And if my experiences with the number 7 have been any indication, our 7th year of marriage is going to be a good one!  Maybe the best yet??!!

It's kind of crazy because 7 doesn't really sound like a lot.  To those that have been married for many, many more years, we are just getting started.  But for us, 7 years has brought us a lot.

We've owned 2 homes.  We've had 4 different cars.  juC changed careers.  I've had 3 different jobs.  And we've had 3.5 kids.  We most definitely haven't spent our 7 years in wedded bliss stagnantly!

I also recently realized how sentimental I am when it comes to some of the things that mark the beginning of our marriage.

The morning of our wedding day, there was a little bit of rain.  juC bought a nice big, umbrella that morning for the rain.  For nearly 7 years, that umbrella has been by my side.  Each time I used it, a reminder of the day it was bought, bringing back lovely memories.  And a few months ago, I went to use it and...nothing.  The umbrella would no longer extend out.  Most people would toss a broken umbrella in the trash, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.  Every time it rains, I attempt to use it again...in the hopes that it's magically healed itself and works now.  No such luck.

We also got a spatula when we got married.  The sort of spatula you use to scrape the sides of a bowl.  It was a very basic one from Target.  Metal handle, red spatula.  Nothing fancy.  But it was with us since the beginning.  The number of cookies and cakes that that spatula has aided the production of over almost 7 years is innumerable. I couldn't help but think of us first acquiring that spatula at the beginning of our eternity together each time I used it.  And a couple of months ago, while Jud was using it to mix something that was getting too thick, the tip of the spatula broke.  I nearly shed a tear when it got tossed in the trash.  (Maybe I'll blame pregnancy hormones for that.)

Over the past 7 years of marriage we have laughed more times than I could ever count.  No one makes me happier than juC and no one makes me madder than juC.  We've learned how to be married.  We've learned how to be adults.  We've learned how to be parents.  We've learned how to sacrifice and how to work together.  We've accepted (for the most part) each others faults.  And we've done our best to be strong where the other may have weaknesses.

I often think that of all the people in all of the world that I could have married, no one was made more perfectly for me than juC was.  He loves me, imperfections and all.  He is more patient with me than I think any other human being could be.  He puts up with more from me than anyone else is capable of.  And he is just...the perfect person to be at my side.

It's only been 7 years, but if the rest of eternity looks anything like the past 7 years have, we're good to go!

**Photo credit, Thomas Photographers

Spring is Springing!!

This winter has just felt miserable to me.  The cold, cold, cold temperatures.  The days, and days, and days of snow.  It's just more than this here southern girl cares to deal with.  Added to that the fact that I fell pregnant (I'm pretending to be British by saying that), and feeling horrible so much, it was just (for a lack of a better way to describe it) a bummer winter.

 Last week I got the kids the book "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess.  I'd never read it before.  At least not that I can remember.  When I read this part, I felt it portrayed exactly how this winter has made me feel...
"All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak."

It is safe to say that I felt alone a lot...even though I was very, very rarely alone, thanks to 3 children.  And it's safe to say that when you feel alone, you have way too much time to think.  And when you think too much, you start to think things like "I'm going to have 4 kids!  FOUR!!!  I'm hanging on by a thread with 3, how will I do FOUR!?!"  And that scared my pants off, people!  Add to that the "I'm going to be massive and pregnant through the heat of summer." and "I won't get to go on any fun vacations." and I was all, "I don't want to go on."  Yet simultaneously thinking "WHEN WILL THIS WINTER END?!"

But, on I went.  And now I am starting to see beautiful glimpses of spring and it makes me oh so happy!

Yesterday was beautiful.  After jC got home from school and finished his homework (have I mentioned how much I hate kindergarten homework??)  we headed off to the park.  As we walked around the side of our house, we saw some of our spring flowers had begun to bloom.  jC said "Do you know what those are called?"  I assumed he meant what kind of flowers they were and I was trying to remember, when he said "Butts!  They're called butts!"  Then I realized he meant buds...of flowers just blooming.  And he started explaining that they were learning about flowers at school.  And I thought "This is going to be a great spring!"  (And I can't wait for more butts to bloom!!)

The kids played...

 and played....

 and played...

 and played...

in absolutely perfect weather.  And all was right in the world.  And I finally was feeling like the end of "Oh, the Places You'll Go", where it says,
"So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!"

I'm finally feeling like today (and the rest of the days) are my day!  And I'm thankful that my name isn't Buxbaum!  And I'm ready for some mountains!  I'm glad spring is finally here, and my fingers (and every other extremity I have) are crossed that it sticks around for a while.

Boy Oh Boy....Oh Boy

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  I never, ever, ever pictured myself as a mom of 3 boys.  Just saying it makes my heart race.  For some reason, I thought 2 boys would be the max.  I'd had a feeling all along that it was another boy, which would be the first time ever that my feeling was right.  And I can't deny the fact that I was hoping for just one more girl.  But of course, all that matters to me is that we have a sweet little baby to hold in the end.  No matter what is hidden under it's diaper.

I've been thinking of the benefits of having another boy.  For starters, we have a billion boxes of boy clothes.  We are getting some really good use out of these clothes!  A large portion of the smaller sizes of clothes came from my sister.  And a good chunk of the clothes that came from my sister first came from my brother.  Which means that a lot of them had already been worn by 3 boys before they got to me.  Then my 2 boys have worn them.  Which means by the time this baby wears them, he'll be the 6th one to wear them.  So, I'd say that the money spent on the clothes was very, very well spent and put to good use!

Along with that is that we are already getting a good stock pile of Halloween costumes for the fellas!  It won't be long before we have all we need and I won't even have to buy anymore.

One of the problems of our home is that leftover food usually sits in the fridge and then gets thrown away.  It's such a waste.  With 3 boys we will no doubt not have that problem because either 1.  There won't be any leftovers from dinner or 2.  The leftovers will get eaten soon after.

Let's be honest...girls are emotional.  And I'm not trying to say that boys aren't, but we all know it's different.  I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about the fact that as of right now, I'm glad that we only have 1 girl to deal with when it comes to a certain part of a girls life.  I imagine that the boys in the family will later agree that 2 of us is plenty.

One day I'm really going to enjoy sending all of the boys outside to mow the grass, trim the bushes, build things with wood and bricks, and use chainsaws...while luC and I stay inside baking cookies and brownies and eating chocolate while watching romantic comedies and follow it up by
going to the mall.

With 3 boys that will probably each be taller than me by the time they are 12 (poor luC, she's so tiny I'm not sure she has that same chance), surely I will look like a little lady with a crew of bodyguards around me.  That's always a plus!

I've always wanted to know every single detail of how Boy Scouts works.  Here's my chance!  And boys haircuts are way easier/cheaper than girls!  Buzz cuts for everyone!

Ok, so seriously, before you start judging me and thinking I'm a girl hater...I really was hoping to have one more girl.  Of course if we have another, there's still a chance.  But I have to look on the bright side now and start psyching myself out now.  Because who knows, we may have another one...and it may be another boy.  (And that's ok, too!!)

Conversations with Littles

little luC has been saying that the baby is a girl.  little jC has been saying he wants it to be a girl.  He even said one night "Can we name her?"  And when I said that it might not be a her, but a him, he seemed open to the idea, but insisted that it should be a girl.  When I was pregnant with cC, he was the same way.  He really wanted a girl baby!

And it looks like my kids won't ever get want they want.  (A lesson we should all learn in life.)
After finding out at the ultrasound that it was, sadly for them, not a girl, I went home and first shared the news with luC.  (as jC was still in school.)

"Guess what the baby is.  A girl or a boy?"
To which she replied "A girl!"
"Nope, it's a boy!"  Yaaay!
Devastation swept across her face.  "Why!?"
"Because that's what it is.  It's a boy!"
Further devastation.  "But I wanted a giiirrl baby!"

Then jC got off the school bus.  I'd considered doing something more exciting to share the news with him to soften the blow.  Like balloons.  Or maybe a cake.  But I opted for a nap over baking.  But I decided I'd just wait until he remembered that we were finding out before I told him.

That took about 45 seconds.  As we walked back home from the bus stop he asked his daily question, "What did you do today."
Stall tactic..."Ummmm.  I slept all day!"
He couldn't be fooled.  "No you didn't!"
Then he remembered!  "What is the baby going to be?"
Ok, super duper excited voice in effect!  "It's a boy!"
His unexpected (for the moment) response, "YAAAAY!"
"Isn't that exciting?  You get to have another brother."
Phew, it worked!
Then I guess because I was the bearer of bad news with a happy voice, he thought he'd return the favor.  In an excited voice he said "And then you are going to have two babies.  And you will get to change two babies diapers."
Well played jC.  Well played.

Then it sunk it.  The disappointment set in.  "But I wanted to have a girl baby."

I'm certain that if cC could talk, he'd comfort me and tell me he knew it was a boy all along and that they are going to be the best of friends.

Adventure Time!

Saturday was a beautiful, magnificent day...weather wise.  After having a snow storm on Monday (And the crazy cold temperatures all winter) the 70 degree weather was more than welcome!  So of course that meant I needed to come up with an adventure for us to take the kids on. And the key to getting juC to agree to an adventure is to find a place for us to eat...with hamburgers.

One of the things I always see people do when they visit NYC is go to Shake Shack.  So imagine my surprise when I found out that we have Shake Shack here in DC.  And not just 1 of them, but 3.  If everyone is always talking about it, I have to try it out for myself.  It was the perfect day to give it a try and enjoy being outside in DC.

So off we went after cC woke up from his nap.

As anyone who lives in this area knows, traffic on 66 going into DC is super predictable.  It's always a mess even when there is no construction or accidents.  When we started realizing a certain trend to the people that we were stuck in traffic with, juC begged the question "Is there an event tonight or something?  Is there a Caps game?"  Smart phone to the rescue!  There was indeed a C-A-P-S! Caps, Caps, Caps! game at 7 p.m.
So then I begged the question, "The Shake Shack isn't by the Verizon Center is it?"
juC's reply: No.  Phew!  Dodged that bullet!  I didn't want to deal with all these people planning to have the same dinner as us before they headed to the game.

As luck would have it, we were able to find a pretty decent parking spot on the street a few blocks before we were to arrive at the Shake Shack.  We unloaded, and began our walk.  As we arrived on a street  corner, we saw...wait...what is that kitty-corner to the Shake Shack?  Is that...the Verizon Center?  How about that!?  Good thing we didn't go to one of the other 2 locations.  I was secretly really wanting to dine with all of the C-A-P-S!  Caps, Caps, Caps fans!

We walked by all the outside tables, which were completely full.  Walked into the Shake Shack and got into the long line.  I took the kids to the bathroom at the back, walking past all of the full tables.  This was going to be a blast and a half!

juC ordered our food while I hi-jacked a table and waited with luC and jC.  jC waited by the counter with cC.  Waiting at that table with them for our food to come while in an overly crowded restaurant was akin to torture.

We waited.

  Then juC and cC joined us at the table.  And we waited some more.

 Then we waited some more.  If only that little thingy would buzz!!

 And finally!  Our food was ready!!  I won't deny, when I first saw what kind of fries they had, I wasn't thrilled.  But I dare say they are the best fries I've had in a long while.  The shake was delicious.  The burger was unfortunately quite salty.  But the bun was really good!

We survived our Shake Shack experience.  My biggest complaint:  The shake wasn't nearly large enough for this here pregnant woman!

After the Shack, we headed for the monuments.  The downside of waiting until cC's nap was over to go on our adventure was the later hour it put us there.  It cooled down a bit, but it was still super nice compared to normal.  First we walked through the Roosevelt Memorial.  It should be noted that a visit to the Roosevelt Memorial was part of a date that juC and I went on that he claims to be one of his favorite dates of all time.  So why, pray tell, did he not remember where it was that we sat gazing into each others eyes??  Just food for thought.

We then walked over to the Jefferson Memorial.  I have to say that the walk around the Tidal Basin from the Roosevelt to Jefferson Memorial is one of the best!  (Note how amazing my kids are at posing for pictures.)

 I also have to say that one of the highlights of the evening was seeing sign after sign on all of the stairs at the Jefferson Memorial saying to use caution because it was slippery, then seeing a teenage girl make a run for it to go to a friend and gracefully fall on her bum.  Don't judge me...she was fine!  And like I said, it was totally graceful.

AND, I ALSO have to say that I'm glad there are pictures of me.  For no other reason then the whole time I couldn't figure out why in the heck my coat was bunched up at the top on one side.  I knew it fit a little differently due to my enlarging stomach, but it was just annoying.  If it weren't for the pictures of me, I never would have realized the next day it was because I had it buttoned ALL WRONG!!  (note in the picture that the left side of my coat is higher than the right.)

 And the final highlight of the night--
Getting to remind juC that I'M NOT HIS MOM!!  He couldn't figure out why I didn't bring him a coat.  Clearly he forgets that even though I am *a mom*, I am not *his mom*.

Although it was a bit chaotic, and my kids listened and followed directions about 0.04% of the time, causing me a lot of frustration, it was fun.  I always forget how lucky we are to live in a place with so many awesome restaurants to try AND amazing monuments and memorials to visit.

juC, juC, juC

It's been a while a while since I've posted about my husband.  You know...the one that doesn't love me as much as your husband loves you.  He's due for another post dedicated to just him.

Back when juC and I were young and in love...I mean, younger and not nearly as in looooove as we are now, and newly married, I did a "spotlight" of him on my blog.  That blog went bye bye, BUT, this was back in the day when I used to actually write the questions and answers on a paper then transfer it to my blog.  So the other day I was looking through my old game score keeping notebook/
recipe notebook and found the spotlight questions and his answers.  I couldn't help but have a good laugh as I read through it.  Then I had the thought that it would be fun to ask the same questions, nearly 7 years later.  You know, to see how much he's grown and matured.

I also did another spotlight of him back in 2009.  You can read that insightful blog post here.

So for your reading pleasure, here are his answers to the questions.  White answers from 2007, and green answers from 2014.  And ( ) are my two cents.  Because how can I NOT out in my two cents?!  I did not read him his previous answers until after I asked them again.

1.  What is your favorite time of day?
Breakfast time, lunch time, dinner time
Ooooo....Evening.  Did I say morning before?

2.  Where in the world would you love to visit?
Costa Rica
Costa Rica
(At least he's consistent with some things.)

3.  What is your favorite kind of bean?
Black bean or green beans.  Wax beans.  Refried beans.
Black beans.  Jelly.

4.  Have you or anyone else ever painted your nails?
Yes.
Yes.

5.  What is your wife's best quality?
Patience...her humor.  Her passion for life.
Her hair.  No...Don't say hair.  I don't know.  Ummm...how she thinks of others.
(Glad he didn't have to strain himself to answer that one.)

6.  What is your most memorable date?
Senior year of high school.  Just kidding!!  Great falls with my wife cause it was a beautiful setting with a beautiful person.
Cherry Blossoms.
(Such a detailed answer.  Don't expound on that or anything.)

7.  If you had to live in a tree, what kind would it be?
An oak tree.
A umm...Redwood.

8.  Do you ever drink milk out of the carton?
No.  Orange juice, yes.
...Not really milk.  Orange juice.
(Seriously, so consistent with the important stuff!)

9.  Who is your favorite sibling?
I don't have a favorite.  I love them all the same.  ....Lorinda.
I don't know.  I don't have a favorite.  I like them all the same...Equally.

10.  What are you holding in your hands right now?
aniC's feet.
Cell phone
(Yes folks.  That one answer right there perfectly sums up the biggest change that has occurred since the last time.  I would be happy to never see a cell phone again!)

11.  What causes the most fights between you and your wife?
Phase 10
Do we fight?  Money.
(Truly, we don't fight.  I mostly just fuss and he mostly just pretends to listen.)

12.  Why is your mother-in-law so great?
Because she's your mom.
Her southern hospitality.

13.  What is your favorite 20s year old memory?
When I got married.
Dating you.
(Awww...)

14.  How do you like your eggs?
Sunny side up.
Fried.

luC, luC, luC

Back when little jC turned 3, I did a birthday questionnaire with him.  I thought it would be fun to do it with all of the kids, every year on their birthday, starting when they turn 3.  jC turned 5 in September, and I have yet to do his for the year.  luC turned 3 in December, and I finally got around to it.

The girl is hysterical.  I swear, if I could keep her this exact age forever, I would totally do it!!  She always says the funniest things.  And always says things that just don't make sense.  So asking her these questions was no different.  It's like she would just say the first thing that popped into her head, even though it wasn't even close to being true!

1.  What is your favorite color?  Purple and Pink (it's true!  I tried, but she still fell for pink.)

2.  What is your favorite toy? Car (Really!?  First she said train, which is random.  Then she said something else.  I finally settled on a car.)

3.  What is your favorite fruit?  Bananas

4.  What is your favorite tv show?  Strawberry Shortcake (I can't tell you the last time she's watched that show.  Which is fine by me.)

5.  What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?  Grilled cheese (and by that she means "my favorite sandwich to take apart but not eat for lunch.")

6.  What is your favorite game?  Mario Bros.  (Ok, when she said this, I laughed so hard!  I had no idea she knew what Mario Bros was!  Pretty certain she's never played it in her life!)

7.  What is your favorite snack? Raisins

8.  What is your favorite outfit?  Yellow outfit (Ummm...ok?)

9.  What is your favorite animal?  A duck (I guess to match her yellow outfit. I don't think she even owns a yellow outfit
.)

10.  What is your favorite song?  I Am A Child of God

11.  What is your favorite book?  The Mickey book (luC has a lot of books she loves to read.  Not many of them have anything to do with Mickey.  In fact, every time we go to the library, she picks out a million Curious George books and doesn't care about anything else.)

12.  Who is your best friend?  jC (awwww!)

13.  What is your favorite cereal? Cocoa Pebbles

14.  What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with chalk (At first she just said play.  I made her expound.)

15.  What is your favorite drink?  Juice

16.  What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas

17.  What do you like to take to bed with you at night?  Juice (Her first answer was toys.)

18.  What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?  cereal (When I asked her this question she said "You already asked that."  I had to clarify that I'd asked what her favorite cereal was...not what her favorite breakfast was.)

19.  What is your favorite dinner?  Pizza.  (First answer out of her mouth, with out hesitation was broccoli.  You couldn't bribe her with all the cookies in the world to eat broccoli!!)

20.  What do you want to be when you grow up? A fighter fighter (also known as a fire fighter)